GIVE ME OPINIONS PLEASE!! ALL!! THANKS!!
Characters:
John
Rachel
Dennis
Roger
Megan
Debbie
Jacob
James
Mary
Scene 1
The story opens in a bedroom with a 16-year-old teenager, John, is sitting at his computer typing away at 1:45am.
Voiceover: Did you ever talk to someone, feeling like you know them inside and out, like you have so much in common with them, yet have never seen them face-to-face?
John looks over at his alarm clock, not stopping ramming away at the keyboard to give his finger’s a rest, to check the time—which says 1:47am.
(The shot now becomes the computer screen, as John’s conversation on AIM becomes visible. John is "that70show2007.")
That70show2007: Wow, it’s getting late, huh?
HerKis06: Oh, my goodness. You’re right! I can’t believe it’s almost five already.
(John looks confused, looking at his clock saying 1:50am. He starts to type, "Huh?" and then hits the delete button a few times and says…)
That70show2007: Oh, yeah. I forgot where you live for a second. Lol.
HerKis06: Lol. Oh, my. And you’ve been talking for me for how long?
That70show2007: I know, I know. I’m so forgetful sometimes, and, hey, it is two in the morning.
HerKis06: Are you getting tired?
That70show2007: Uh, yeah. Kinda. You?
HerKis06: You betcha. I just put on some music though to help me keep awake. My Chemical Romance.
That70show2007: That’s cool. Let me put on something, too.
(John picks out of his CDs and pops it into his computer CD drive. Some music starts to play as he puts on his headphones to listen to them.)
That70show2007: Ah. That’s better. I’m listening to Green Day.
(As the shot cuts out further away from the computer screen, so that now John sitting in front of his computer is visible, John’s music starts to fade out as we, the viewer, can start to hear some commotion from the other room/outside.)
(There’s a loud knocking and banging on the door, off-screen, still seeing John’s room.)
"Let me in!", the man’s voice off-screen and outside says.
That70show2007: So how was that party last night you went to?
HerKis06: Oh, a blast. Things got pretty wild, and me and a bunch of my girl friends ended up skinny dipping.
That70show2007: Nice, haha, sounds like a blast indeed.
Cut To: Outside of John’s room, showing a woman, mid-forties, Debbie, blocking the front door entrance in tears.
Debbie: Go away! You’re drunk! I’m not letting you know while you’re like this!
"You cannot keep me out of my own house, Debra!", the man says off-screen from outside.
Debbie: Watch me!
"You gotta be shi**ing me! I need to take my medication, Debra! Let me the f**k in!", the man yells at her.
Debbie: You should’nt even be taking that stuff while you’re drinking! Please, just go away for the night and cool off!
"Dad?", a voice says off-screen to the man outside, as Debbie is listening. "What the hell is going on? Why are you out here?"
"Your mother has gone AWOL and won’t let me back into my own G*d-da** house!", the man, Jacob, says.
Debbie: Megan, he’s drunk! Be careful, please!
"I can see that," Megan says.
"You don’t wanna let me in, Deb?", Jacob says. "Then your daughter will be out here alone with me!"
"Don’t worry about me, Mom. I’ll be fine! You can’t let him in while he’s like this!", Megan says.
Cut To: Outside—Jacob is standing there, while Megan is to the side of him.
"Oh, you’re fine, are you?", Jacob asks his daughter, Megan. "Not for long", he tells her just to get a rise out of his wife, Debbie.
Debbie: (to herself) Okay. Don’t be afraid. Be quick. Be quick.
(Debbie slowly unlocks the door and starts to open it a crack.)
Debbie: Megan, get in here! Now!
(Before Megan can go in, Jacob pushes the door fully opened, throwing Debbie to the floor, and walks in. Megan follows him.)
Megan: (helping up her mother; to Jacob) Get out of here! What’s wrong with you?
Jacob: Wrong with me? I’m not the one parading around the Elephant Bar at my luncheons and flirting with guys!
Debbie: Oh, for God’s sake, I was not flirting with anyone. I went with my girl friends from work to celebrate Connie’s birthday!
Jacob: Bulls**t. I’m not an idiot, Debra!
Debbie: No. You’re a jacka*s!
Jacob: (getting closer to her) What did you say to me?
Megan: Dad, just leave! Please!
Jacob: Stay out of this, Megan. This doesn’t concern you.
Megan: Oh, yes it does. Leave!
(Megan tries to pull him away from her mother by grabbing his arm, and Jacob then pushes his daughter to the floor.)
Jacob: Next time, that’ll be harder, child. Now obey your father and go to your room, so me and your mother can talk.
Debbie: Don’t you dare lay another finger on her!
Jacob: Or what?
(Jacob slaps her and pushes her hard onto the kitchen floor. He then stands over her, hitting and slapping her face.)
Jacob: This is what you get for cheating on me, Debra!
(Megan desperately reaches for the phone and starts to dial 9-1-1. She gets to the first one, when Jacob turns around, takes the phone from her, and throws it at his daughter’s stomach.)
(Debbie stands up and stomps on his toe.)
(Jacob shakes it off, getting even madder, and pushes her against the wall hard. He punches the wall a few inches from her face, making a hole.)
Jacob: Next time you try to hurt me, that’ll be your face!
Megan: (yelling in pain and extreme fear, trying to get her brother’s attention) Call 9-1-1, John! Call 9-1-1!!
Cut To: John’s room, music playing through his headphones, and typing away to HerKis06. Close-up of computer screen.
That70show2007: Okay. Well I think I’m gonna head to bed. Talk to you tomorrow?
HerKis06: Of course. Goodnight. Oh, have fun with Rachel tomorrow.
That70show2007: Thanks. Clockwise to you with Jason.
***That70show2007 and HerKis06 Have Signed Off***
(John takes off his headphones, and to his horror immediately hears his sister continuingly yelling, "Call 9-1-1, John! Call 9-1-1 now!!)
(John picks up his cellphone and goes to his bedroom door, opening it a crack, looking terrified.)
Cut To: The kitchen area—where Debbie is on the floor hurt, Megan, and Jacob.
Megan: You’re hurting her! Please stop! Please!
Jacob: Yeah? Why should I, huh? She was cheating on my yesterday!
Megan: I don’t believe you!
(John runs out of his room, exposing himself to his family.)
John: Leave, Dad. Now. I just dialed 9-1-1 a few minutes ago and they’re on their way to the house as we speak.
Jacob: How could you, son? Your own father?
John: You are not my father. I don’t know who you are.
(Megan and Debbie continue to cry. John isn’t crying, as he is trying to hold it in to avoid showing weakness and acting tough around his outraged and drunk father.)
Jacob: Fine, since you had to go and call the f**king coppers, I’ll go. But this isn’t over. Mark my words.
(Jacob kicks a kitchen table chair over as he leaves the house, shutting the door on his way out.)
(Megan and John rush over to their mother helping her up.)
Megan: Are you OK, mom?
Debbie: I think so. Thank you. Lock the door, John.
John: (goes to lock it) Of course.
Megan: Did you really call the cops?
John: Hell yeah.
(Sirens are now in earshot, and as they look out the window they see a cop car parked outside their house with an officer walking up to the door.)
John: Speaking of.
Megan: You guys ready for this?
John and Debbie nod. The officer knocks on the door.
Officer: (off-screen) Officer Miller here. Anyone home?
They open the door and let the officer in.
Officer: We got a call from this address about a domestic violence report.
John: That would be from me. My father, hit my mother. (he points)
Officer: (sees Debbie) You OK, ma’am? You look pretty beaten up.
Debbie: I’m fine. I’ll be OK.
Officer: Still, I think we should get you to the E.R. (He calls for ambulance back-up over his walkie talkie.) In the meantime, I’ll need to ask the three of you some questions. Where’s your father now?
Megan: We don’t know. He left after my brother told him the cops were on the way.
Scene 2
The scene opens on a sunny day in a nice neighborhood located in a small California suburbian place called Almaden Valley. The shot goes to in front of a two-story house. Now we’re inside in the family room with an older lady sitting in a chair and and older man sitting in a green reclining chair.
John walks downstairs and into the family room passing a grandfather clock which says, "9:03am."
John: Morning, Grandma. Grandpa.
Mary: Did you sleep well? Was it too hot in your room? Were there enough blankets? Too many? (she stands up and goes into the kitchen noticing he’s rummaging through the refrigerator) Oh, there’s some cereal in the cubbard. And the milk’s in the garage fridge, dear.
John: Thanks, Grandma. And the room’s fine. Thanks.
Cut To: A shot of the newspaper and then John putting it down to eat some of his cereal. Mary is sitting there too, buttering her toast.
Mary: So, how’s your mother?
John: I haven’t talked to her since last night. I think last night wi
ll be forever dented into our memories. Traumatizing, much?
Mary: Well, as long as you three are out of that house. That’s what matters now.
"I’ve been saying they should be out of there for years," John’s Grandfather says entering the kitchen and opening the fridge.
Mary: Oh. Don’t start now, James.
James: What? It’s the truth. That Jacob has been pulling crap like this for years and he finally hit the deep end and went too far. I hope the cops catch him and beat him to death.
(John’s cell starts to rattle and buzz on the kitchen table. The screen says, "Rachel.")
John: I should take this outside. Excuse me. (He leaves through the backdoor)
Mary: Good one, James. You’ve managed to make him feel uncomfortable in his own Grandparent’s house.
James: Oh, don’t give me that. The boy left to answer his phone. Dang it. What do sixteen year olds need with cell phones, anyway? They can barely drive and work.
Cut To: John standing around the backyard next to a pretty big built-in
pool, walking around it occassionally. He’s talking on his cell with Rachel.
John: So, what did you do last night?
Rachel: Not much. Just did my usual homework routine and then watched a marathon of Sex and the City on HBO.
John: You are such a nerd.
Rachel: You’re just figuring this out now? So, what happened to you last night? Burned the midnight oil with you little penpal?
John: (laughs) Kinda. Sorry I didn’t call you back. Um, some things came up and, well, I’m living with my grandparents now.
Rachel: Oh, my gosh. Way to hold out on me. John, what happened?
(John glances in the sliding glass door and sees Megan, his mom, and grandparents sitting at the kitchen table.)
John: I’ll tell you about it later, k? It’s kinda intense, but don’t worry.
Rachel: Okay. I love you, babe.
John: Love you too, Rachie. Bye.
(They hang up and John walks back into the house.)
Mary: (to John) Anything important?
John: Oh, no. That was just Rachel.
Mary: Ah, yes. Rachel. How is she doi
Rachel. How is she doing these days? It seems like it’s been forever since you two came over to go swimming.
John: Yeah. We’ve been busy. So, I hope I’m not interrupting anything here…?
James: We were just talking about the situation with your father.
Megan: If you use that term loosely.
Debbie: Well, we need to go back to the house to gather all of our stuff.
James: Absolutely not. He could come back anytime. Or even worse, he could be there waiting for you.
Debbie: Dad, he’s not going to go back there. He’ll be too afraid of the cops being there.
James: Still, it’s too risky. I’ll take the kids down there.
Debbie: Dad, I have stuff there too. Okay? I think I can manage. I’m not hopeless. We’ll be fine. Okay?
Mary: James, just let her go. She’s an adult.
James: (shakes his head, giving up) Whatever. You guys do what you want. Sooner or later, if this keeps up, Debbie’s gonna end up dead. (he gets up and walks out of the room)
John: On that note, shall we go? It’s moving day!
Scene 3
The scene opens with the shot panning around inside Debbie’s (old) apartment. It looks as if a tornado hit it, as everything’s been turned upside down.
(Some chattering becomes in earshot as the door opens and inside comes walking in, cautiously, John, Debbie, and Megan.)
John: Woa. What bomb hit this place?
Megan: (looking around stunned) Do you think he came back looking for us?
Debbie: Probably. And when we weren’t here….
John: (finishing her sentence) …He decided to turn into Hurricane Jacob.
(Debbie and Megan give John a stare for his comment.)
John: What? You know, like, Amber Alert, Hurricane Katrina…oh, nevermind.
Megan: Look, lets just get our stuff and leave. This place gives me the creeps now.
(The three go into their rooms and box up all of their belongings. They come back out, and John glances into the kitchen…)
John: What—Woa.
Megan: What?
John: You don’t wanna see this. Our house as turned into a crime scene.
Debbie: What are you talkin
Debbie: What are you talking about?
John: Look. (he points to the kitchen wall)
(Megan and Debbie look and there the kitchen floor is trashed with food, etc, and on the wall is a lot of some red-like, think substance.)
Debbie: Blood?
John: What the hell did Dad do?
(Megan goes closer to the red substance and sniffs it.)
Megan: Yeah, it’s not blood. Got any fries?
John: Ketchup?! Why the hell would he put ketchup on the wall?
Debbie: To make it look like he cut himself. Or something.
John: Sick. Lets take Megan’s lead, and leave this place. For good.
Debbie: I’m so sorry for this guys.
Megan: It’s not your fault, Mom.
Debbie: I should’ve left him a long time ago.
John: You were trying to protect us, doing what you thought was best. I can understand not wanting us to grow up without a father.
Debbie: Really?
John: Yeah. But, Mom, we’re grown up now. It’s time to take care of yourself and do what’s best for you. And us, too. And you know what that is.
Debbie: I know. It’s just…twenty years we were married.
John: Yeah. In which time he cheated on you ten years ago, according to Grandpa, cheated on you definitely with that girl from Macy’s, called us at nine in the morning from the beach—asking us for a ride home because he got stranded up there all night. Gee, I wonder what he was doing. And all along accusing you of cheating because you go out to lunch and socialize.
Megan: He’s right. He’s controlling and domineering. It’s time.
John: Time to go. Seriously. I mean it this time.
(They walk out of the house, closing the door. The shot now is from inside an empty house.)
John: (from off-screen) Did I mention abusive?
Scene 4
Scene shows three students sittng at a picnic table with random students scattered in the background. The setting is at their high school. Sunnyvale High. At the bench, is one girl and two guys. The girl is wearing a pink hoodie, and dark-blue tight jeans—physical features include brown hair and brown eyes, around 5′5", and 120 lbs. The one guy is African-American (black), 5′7", shaved head. The last guy is 6′2", a little chubby, white-caucasian skinned, etc. The black guy is Roger, the white guy is Dennis, both of John’s friends. And the girl is noneotherthan, Rachel. They’re all friends. Rachel and John have known each other since junior high; friends first, and then started dating during freshmen year. John befriended Dennis and Roger during freshmen year. They’re all sophomores now.
Roger: So, John’s going through some personal crap, huh?
Rachel: Yeah. He was pretty sketchy on the phone; he didn’t go into much detail, but it seems kinda serious. I should really call hi
soon. Plus, I really miss him.
Dennis: Okay. Stop. I’m eating.
Rachel: Sorry. But he really should be here for the first day of school, you know.
Roger: True. But he’s not. His sister skip, too? Man, I wanted to see her.
Dennis: Still crushin’ on her, I see. Dude, get over her. It’s never gonna happen. Plus, she is the sister of your best friend.
Roger: Dude, everyone knows you’re John’s best friend.
Rachel: Best friend, good friend, average friend. Either way, isn’t dating a friend’s sister, ex, whatever, go against some guy rule?
Dennis: Sure does. See? She knows.
Roger: But, come on, she’s a senior! I figure, if I play my cards right, I’ll be able to take her to her prom this year.
(Dennis picks up his cell phone and starts pressing buttons.)
Roger: What are you doing, man?
Dennis: Checking the weather…in hell. Because, according to you, it’s about to freeze over.
Roger: Man, shut up! (laughs and hits him on the arm)
Rachel: (to herself) I think I hang out with too many guys.
Scene 5
Mary and James are sitting in their family room and talking, watching the news.
James: I should’ve went with Debbie.
Mary: James, quit worrying. You’re driving me crazy.
James: Her busband just beat her up last night, she just went back to that house where the crime happened, and you’re telling me to stop worrying?
Mary: She has John with her. He’s stong. Megan can protect her, too. This is her life; she makes her own choices, like when she decided to marry the jerk.
James: So you do feel the same anger and frustration I do.
Mary: Of course I do! I just hide it, unlike you.
James: Mary, I’m sorry. That guy just pisses me off. We need to get Megan and John and Debbie away from him. Permanently this time.
Mary: How? What if she just goes back to him after he pleads for forgiveness, like all the other times?
James: That is what we must make sure doesn’t happen. I can’t do this alone. I’ll need your help.
Mary: That help you’ll get. I promise. I’m on your side.
James: I know you are.
(The front door opens; John, Megan, and Debbie enter carrying in boxes.)
James: Oh, well look who’s home! And all in one piece and alive, too!
(Mary gives him a look.)
John: Yes, yes. One piece. Well, uh, I’m gonna bring this upstairs to unpack into my new room. Moving day is so much fun! (he goes upstairs)
James: (to Debbie and Megan) How was it?
Debbie: He must’ve went back there. The place is trashed, and there’s ketchup all over the walls.
Megan: It looks like he wanted to make it look like blood.
James: (shakes his head) Well, you’re out of that place. Finally.
Cut To: John’s bedroom. He’s on the phone with Rachel.
Rachel: Finally. You called me.
John: Sorry. I know I seemed kinda cryptic this morning on the phone.
Rachel: You think? (laughs) What’s going on?
John: It’s about my Dad.
Rachel: Oh, no.
John: Yeah. Last night he came home all drunk and maniac-like. Started beating up my Mom.
Rachel: Oh, my gosh! Is she okay?
John: Yeah, I think so. We just got back from the house to pick up our things. It was a mess. My Dad must’ve trashed it when he found out we left.
Rachel: I’m so sorry. How are you doing? We should go out for a movie and pizza tonight. Okay?
John: Sure. (smiles) That sounds great. Oh, and I’m fine. I guess. Talking to you is helping with that.
Rachel: Aww. You’re too sweet.
Cut To: Downstairs. Kitchen. Megan, Debbie, and Mary are in the kitchen. Mary is spoon-feeding Megan some cake batter she made.
Megan: That’s way too sweet! No offense. Just honesty.
Mary: None taken. Now I can correct it. By the way, sorry about your father, Debbie. He can be quite…opinated sometimes. And outspoken. He’s just worried about you is all.
Debbie: I know, mother.
Megan: I think we’re all worried about her.
"Except your brother. John.", James says as he enters the kitchen, obviously after he was listening in on their conversation.
Mary: James, shut it.
James: What? That kid walks around here cracking jokes and being sarcastic and I’m suppose to take that as concern for what happened to his mother?
Mary: Don’t judge him. Everyone deals with tradegy in their own way.
James: Oh yeah? And how does he spend it? Upstairs, excluded from the family, talking to his…girlfriend? Friends? Anyone but his beaten mother.
Megan: I think I’m gonna go unpack too now. (she goes upstairs)
Mary: (to James) What the hell is wrong with you? He went over to that house with Megan and Debbie to protect them. That’s more than you did.
James: I was told I couldn’t go, damn it! Oh, whatever. I’ll be in my garage. (he leaves)
Debbie: (to Mary) Is that him being outspoken?
Mary: No. That’s him being a jackass.